Perfect World

>> Selasa, 22 Desember 2009

In case you didn't notice, the world is not a perfect place. There's war, pollution, hunger, and of course Paris Hilton.

One night after being flagrantly overserved by a bartender, I scribbled on cocktail napkins a list of things that I would change about the world. You know, if I were a deity.

The unabridged list is, unfortunately, swirling above a local landfill, but here are some napkins that survived the beer spills.

Ahem.

In a perfect world ...

* pug dogs would have a reasonable amount of skin on their face.
* boot would rhyme with foot.
* we'd get paid for the time we spend preparing for, commuting to, talking about, and unwinding from work.
* radio stations would keep their contest money and play some bloody music.
* a man could fix all of his relationship issues with WD-40 or duct tape.
* answering machines would come with a get-to-the-point button.
* breeding laws would limit couples to one child per 75 IQ points.
* athletes would retire only once.
* cat burglars would break in and steal your cat.
* traffic lights would change when we honk at them.
* O.J. Simpson would marry Lorena Bobbitt. I'm assuming they're both single.
* priests who hear confessions would get paid the same as shrinks.
* our TV's brightness control would turn up the intelligence.
* if an officer has to tackle the suspect to make an arrest, the officer would be entitled to three free punches.
* when people graduate high school, they'd also graduate high school mentality.
* the game of "peekaboo" would have an official end.
* decaf coffee would come in a different color.
* political speeches would be delivered by the people who write them.
* there wouldn't be so many needless, unneeded, unnecessary words.
* freeways would grow at the same rate as the population.
* somebody would confiscate Dennis Miller's thesaurus.
* when the computer gets hung up, we could just shake it like a pinball machine.
* all movies would be formatted to fit your screen without apology or explanation.
* when a woman gets a perm, that's it—no changing.
* lawyers would speak a language that humans also understand.
* walkie-talkie cell phones would exist only in hell, where they were invented.
* sick days would include when you're sick of work.
* when teams lose on Fan Appreciation Day, spectators would get their money back.
* Cupid would have better aim.
* naming your son Zavery or Oceana would qualify as child abuse.
* weight gain would be caused not by food but by some undelicious thing like televangelism.
* the Meyers would get together with the Myers and settle the spelling once and for all.
* the calf bone would have more meat on it.
* every driver would understand the Merge Concept.
* a man and woman would never know which one will end up pregnant.
* football games would not end on a field goal.
* we could surgically remove that part of our brain that plays the same snippet of music over and over and over.
* everyone would die on their one-hundredth birthday while having sex.

But the world is not perfect, so we have storms and train wrecks and Paris Hilton, left to wonder about a deity who would have it this way. It would be too much to handle but for a gift from this same creator, something to iron out the wrinkles and put the world back into perspective. And that is lots of beer.

14 Yang Berkomentar:

DOWNLOAD MP3 GRATIS 22 Desember 2009 02.11  

hmmmmm menyimak dulu kang,,,,,,

Rizky2009 22 Desember 2009 02.15  

lek posting bhs inggris mbok yo d kasih GT ben seng koment ngerti maksudte.....

the international times 22 Desember 2009 03.23  

there is no perfect world. if the world was perfect, then it's our last day (end of world).
by the way, this is good posting...i like it...wish you always success :)

rumah blogger 22 Desember 2009 05.48  

ooohhh gitu yaaa....(manggut-manggut)

sabirinnet 22 Desember 2009 05.50  

waahhh nyerah deh kalo pake bahasa planet ini, yg penting saya kasih komentar aja, hehehee

endra 22 Desember 2009 05.54  

hwaduh.. there a lots of beer brader ?
do not drink it, i tell you don't do it.
except you invite me wkwkkk..

ina 22 Desember 2009 19.18  

perfect world???? seperti lagunya simple plan ajah ihihihihihi ...

Dukung dengan Vote ina DISINI yah.
Dukungan kalian sangat berarti buat ina... thanks before :)

khusnul 24 Desember 2009 04.47  

Aku gak ngerti blas boso londo...
Mas Riv....

khusnul 24 Desember 2009 04.56  

kursus bahasa inggris dulu ah...
nanti sama mas riv ngobrolnya...
:X

kluwan dot com 24 Desember 2009 05.54  

Yes mantuk, no gedhek
yes ngangguk,no geleng-geleng.

Mas Riv ada-ada saja :X

kluwan dot com 24 Desember 2009 05.56  

but I like it,
I Loved...
I read and understand litle only wkkk wkkk

Rival Aditya 24 Desember 2009 06.02  

All thx's komentarnya... au jg gk thu artinya... he...he... mangguk jg au

Ahmad Choirun Najib 17 Januari 2010 21.34  

NIce....this comment from Najibblog

Najibblog2010 17 Januari 2010 21.34  

NIce....this comment from Najibblog

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